Britney Spears has released a series of audio clips to her Instagram page in which she discusses her estrangement with her two sons, Sean Preston, 16, and Jaden, 15.
In the five-part audio recording, Spears, 40, details everything from sadness about losing touch with her boys to her troubled relationship with her father, Jamie Spears, saying that she “prays that he’ll be there.” I burn.” in an interview with 60 Minutes Australia In one that aired last week, Jayden defended his grandfather, saying that people “don’t know how much he cares for him.” The teen and his brother both live with their father, Kevin Federline, who has claimed that his ex-wife’s social media activity embarrasses the boys and keeps them away.
In the audio clip, Spears reflects on the pain she felt for not being with her children, saying, “It feels like “a big part of me is dead.”
“I used to have kids, at one point, more than Kevin,” she says. “People don’t remember that part because they always focus on the negative, but when they were 6 to 9 years old, I them 70% of the time. Since they’re gone, I’ve honestly felt like a huge part of me is dead. Truly, I have no purpose anymore. They were my joy, they were my everything… that’s it That was what I lived for. And then all of a sudden, they left, and I was like, Oh my god, has my heart stopped beating? To be honest, I don’t understand how it is so easy for them to cut me off like this. I don’t understand it.”
Spears also addressed her feelings about her father, who had placed his daughter under a guardianship after multiple hospitalizations in 2008, and retracted her earlier reaction to Jaden’s statements. (In a September 2 Instagram post, the singer reacted to her son’s criticism of her racy post, saying, “Sorry, you think I do this for attention. I’m sorry for feeling you But guess what? I’ve got news for you. I’m a child of God as well as we are all in the eyes of God. So no, I’m not sorry. I’ve learned to say SO!!!”
However, in her new audio clip, Spears says the comment should have been directed at her father.
“Saying I’m a child of God is something I shouldn’t have said to you guys,” the pop star clarifies. “It’s something I should say to my father. I’ve always been told that the only one who can heal your heart is the one who broke it. Go to the source. But it will never happen, because I would pray.” I want him to burn in hell.”
She also states that she attended AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings under her father’s control, and that she “never missed any meetings.”
“I didn’t mind the way my dad made it for me,” she says of her treatment, “cutting me off from everything I knew … I felt like they were trying to kill me.”
Spears says her desire to be heard these days comes from years when she was forced to keep quiet.
“Now with my kids, claiming ‘she’s not good enough, she wants attention,’ ‘Yeah, I want to be heard, and I’m angry,'” she explains. “All I know is that my love for my kids is greater than anything else, and I’m sorry if I hurt you guys in any way.”
She ends the recording with a message for her sons.
“Until then, Jaden and Preston, I love you. I was told you guys blocked me. I hope you’re using your punching bag I gave you,” she says Huh. “You guys are incredible at the gym. Happy birthday. You guys can do pull ups. Wow. You’re proficient in everything you do. I’m so blessed to have you to call my own, and I want you to know me.” Sorry, my ignorance in saying ‘so’ to you guys – that was for my father.”